Sparkly Potential and Tantric Rejection
A Lesson on Projection, and Redirection
I sat with my phone in my hand, rereading his message. His words were kind, but the meaning was clear: Let’s stay friends for now. Maybe someday things could be different.
I had turned down his invitation to a conscious play party—a space where sensuality and connection are openly explored—because I knew, deep down, it wasn’t the right setting for our first real experience together. I had met him last fall, and I can recall the moment that we first saw each other. Our eyes locked, and for a long moment I gave myself permission to bask in his warm and grounded presence. I had felt an immediate intuitive hit and an unmistakable pull toward him, sensing the possibility of a meaningful connection—emotionally, energetically, and sexually.
Months later, when it seemed that the circumstances might finally be right, he reached out with a request to see me. I was elated and imagined us spending intentional time learning more about each other, and drifting into the territory of “maybe this is the ‘best-friends-who-can’t-keep-their-hands-off-each-other’ kind of connection I’ve been calling in!” And in the haze of this fantasy and projection, I thought he was asking if I wanted to go on a date. But when the invitation to spend time together came and it was to join him at a conscious play party, I also felt more than a whisper of unease. The thought of being in that space while our young connection was still tender and unfolding didn’t feel right in my body.
So I honored that feeling, and I told him no. I asked if there was a middle way. And his response—though honest and considerate—made it clear that pursuing something deeper was not aligned for him at this time.
Projection and Reality: What My Intuition Was Really Showing Me
At first, I felt disappointment. A part of me wondered if I had made the wrong choice, if I should have been more flexible, more open, more something. But then I realized:
My intuition about him wasn’t about him. It was about me.
I saw in him qualities I deeply value—openness, presence, depth. That doesn’t mean he was necessarily the right partner for me, but it does mean I was drawn to something real. And that realization was a gift. It wasn’t about whether we would have worked out—it was about recognizing the kind of connection I crave and what I need to feel safe exploring it.
More importantly, this situation gave me an opportunity to act out of self-love rather than self-abandonment. To listen to the part of me that needs a softer, more intentional entry into intimacy rather than throwing myself into an environment that prioritizes sexual exploration over an emotionally authentic connection.
Choosing My Nervous System Over My Fear of Missing Out
In the past, I might have overridden my intuition. I might have said yes to prove I was evolved enough, free enough, chill enough to handle it. But that would have been a performance, not an authentic expression of who I am and what I need. My healing has taught me that the love I am calling in not only does not require me to abandon myself, it cannot withstand self abandonment.
Tantra teaches us that our bodies are wise. Desire is sacred, yes, but so are our boundaries. My nervous system spoke, and this time, I listened.
Rejection or Redirection?
At first, his response felt like a rejection. But when I sat with it, I realized it was actually redirection and protection from misaligned choices.
Tantra teaches us that life is about presence, about accepting what is rather than grasping at what could be. I could have forced something with him, but to what end? If we were truly meant to explore something deeper, wouldn’t that unfold in a way that felt organic and aligned for both of us?
Instead of viewing his response as a loss, I chose to see it as clarity. If something isn’t fully aligned, forcing it won’t make it right.
Love Without Attachment
I have spent years unlearning scarcity—this idea that love is limited, that I have to chase it or prove myself worthy of it. But love isn’t something to get. It is something we are.
His openness about his current dating life was a gift because it gave me clarity. It showed me that his current approach to exploring new connections and relationships doesn’t fully align with mine. And instead of twisting myself into knots to fit into this role, I chose to let go with grace.
This is what tantra has taught me:
That true intimacy begins with radical self-honesty.
That my body is my guide, and I consciously choose to listen to its wisdom.
That love flows where it is meant to—without force, without fear, without grasping.
The Invitation to Trust
I trust that the love I am calling in is also calling in me. That the person who will meet me in my depth, my devotion, my sacred desires is on their own journey toward me. And I trust that saying no to what isn’t fully aligned creates space for what is.
I release this connection with gratitude. This experience was a mirror, showing me who I am and how far I’ve come. And as I move forward, I do so with open hands, an open heart, and the unwavering belief that the love meant for me will never require me to betray myself to receive it.
Because true love—or the sparkly potential for it—is not about holding on to certainty. It’s about letting go, leaning in, and trusting in the mystery.
Steps to Discern and Honor Your Boundaries:
If you’ve ever struggled with navigating attraction, boundaries, and self-trust, I invite you to slow down and listen to your body. A connection or relationship should never require you to abandon yourself. Ask: Am I moving from alignment or from fear? Am I expanding or contracting in this choice?
Holding your boundaries isn’t about controlling others—it’s about honoring yourself. And when you do, the right connections will rise to meet you.
Listen to Your Body – If a situation makes you feel anxious, tense, or uneasy, take a pause. Your nervous system knows before your mind does.
Name Your Core Needs – Get clear on what you require for emotional and physical safety. Are you seeking depth? Play? Commitment? Temporary fun? Own it.
Check for Self-Abandonment – Ask: Am I saying yes to prove something, avoid discomfort, or because I genuinely want this?
Communicate with Clarity, Not Fear – Boundaries are not ultimatums. Express your truth without trying to control the outcome.
Trust the Redirections – If someone isn’t aligned with your boundaries, let them go with love. Their response isn’t a reflection of your worth—it’s a reflection of compatibility.
Celebrate Your Growth – Every time you honor yourself, you are rewiring old patterns and stepping into deeper self-love. That is the real win.
